Second Chances

I believe in second chances. I do. I believe we may have just received one.

The weeks leading up to this one had been good. We had managed to pack our schedule filled with fun vacations and activities. We just spent a week in Topsail Island earlier in the month and will be in New York next month to visit with some family, completed with a Tim McGraw concert in Virginia on the way back to North Carolina. We have done a very good job at taking care of ourselves these past few weeks.

We have talked about trying to become pregnant again. It is very hard to have the “carefree” attitude about becoming pregnant once you have had a miscarriage. It is hard to wait and hope for an opportunity such as pregnancy, when you have already had that and lost it. We have talked about ovulation predictor kits, but decided to wait a little bit longer before using them.

This week I had been feeling sick. I had a cold and had been very tired. I had also had some unexplained back pain. Matt joked one night, “Maybe you are pregnant?” I quickly shut him down, “No, I’m just sick.” I believe I actually got mad at him (sorry!) for suggesting such a thing. He suggested that I take a test, however I again shut him down politely declined. I had promised myself that I would try not to become a psycho, crazy, I want to get pregnant lady too over consumed with the thought of being pregnant again. I wanted to try to live my life without this overwhelming thought of becoming pregnant. By Friday, I was tired. I made a deal with myself. I told myself that I would take a pregnancy test. If the result was negative, I would run a 2 ½ mile hill filled loop around the neighborhood and get on with my life. If it was positive, I would refrain. Interesting logic, huh?!