Family Snow Day...

It doesn't snow around here often, so when it does, it is kind of a big deal! We did not own a shovel or a sled, so luckily I was able to find one at Target the night before it snowed. 

Tyler was not a fan of the sled. He had a great time pushing the snow around with the shovel and walking around.

Here is a picture of our house the morning after the snow fell...

The snow stuck around for a while. Tyler had a great time making snow balls and tossing them up in the air!

We also had a bad ice storm this winter. It knocked over many of our trees and knocked out power for a little while.

Here are some more snow pictures. We got the snow suit that Jake was wearing when Tyler was born. He was never able to wear it because it did not snow when Tyler was a baby. I was excited to pull it out and put Jake in it!

This is one of my favorite pictures :) He is a little angel baby and let me tell you, this matches his personality perfectly.

We found a neighbor to take a picture of us. It is so rare that we actually get family pictures!

If you look behind Matt and Tyler, there is a street called Hardscrabble Drive that is a popular sledding spot. We tried to get Tyler to sled down the hill, but he was not a fan. Matt used a neighbors sled and went down the hill. Matt said that Tyler cried when he saw Matt going down the hill, yelling, "Dadddddyyyyyy!!!!!" 

This was Tyler's first and only time on the sled. He wasn't a fan. Maybe next year!

Where are you, balance?

Balance, oh balance,  where are youuuu?  I feel like my kids are on one side of the teeter totter and on the other side are all of these other factors pulling me away from their side...work, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, meal prep, church, exercise,  small group, errands...its a never-ending, full bucket, always getting loaded with more items that do nothing but absorb my time.

Tonight when I got home from work, Matt told me that Jake didnt nap at daycare.  Jake remained his happy self, going with the flow in our household for the rest of the night. We ate dinner, straightened up the house quickly, did a load of laundry and gave the kids a bath. When it was time for Tyler to go to bed, I took Jake downstairs while Matt sat with Tyler to read some books. For the first time all day and night, I held Jake in my arms, sat on the couch, and cuddled him against me with a blanket. Less than 30 seconds later, he was sound asleep and at total peace with literally no effort required on my part.  He did not need to be rocked. He dis not need his paci. For some reason, it made me sad.

I'm not sure exactly what part made me the most sad. Is it the thought that he fought a nap all day? Is it that I miss these moments with him? Is it that once I had 30 seconds of alone time with him, he instantly relaxed and fell asleep quickly and peacefully? Is it that I feel like he does not get enough time with me? Is it the thought that the majority of his days are spent with someone else?

I briefly mentioned my struggle with the balancing act to a dear friend of mine and her response was not what I was expecting. I was expecting a comment about how difficult it was to find balance with the kids. She said without hesitation, "Put your marriage first. The rest will follow." 

While she may have added another factor to my balancing act, its such a big one - the foundation of our little family. Our  relationship is a first hand example of what our boys will learn and watch about love and marriage.  With this in mind...I planned a date with my husband...and then he got called into work unexpectedly.

Balance,  oh balance,  where are youuuu? My heart is missing my kids and husband and loathing anything else that takes away from it. I appreciate the time I have with them, yet I want more.  I know its greedy. The balancing act gets better with time, right?

Tomorrow...

I know. You say, "Where have you been the last 3 months?!" Well...I had a baby and have been soaking everything in as a family of 4. I want to get back to blogging and go back and blog about some of the last three months but this is my starting point.

I'm going back to work tomorrow.  I have been incredibly blessed to have been able to be at home with Jacob for the last 3 months but here is the thing...I want more.

When Tyler was born, it was all new to me. Every single stage was new...The sleeping, the feeding, the diapers, the change on our social life. I remember being ready to go back to work, not because I didn't love Tyler or want to be around him but because I was craving the freedom I had at work. The freedom to walk to the food court, the freedom to go to the bathroom whenever I needed to, the freedom to make a phone call at any time...

Well now more so than ever, I recognize how fast time goes because I have seen it with Tyler. I know that starting tomorrow,  I will barely get three hours of awake time with Jacob during any given weekday and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm going to miss alot of his firsts. While they will all be "first" times with me seeing them eventually, it is not the same. I won't be the face he sees in the mornings when he is smiling or in the afternoons when he just wants to cuddle.

Sigh. Life is tough sometimes. I know I have to work for our family but the knowledge and reality of that sure doesn't make it any easier.