A child is without her mommy tonight.
A mommy is not able to hold her child tonight.
A dear friend from childhood, Jessica, lost her courageous battle with breast cancer last night. She was 31 years old. She fought a good fight and was truly an inspiration to all of those that met her. The center of her world was her 6 year old daughter, Mina. Jessica lost her own mother at the age of 6 due to breast cancer and knew all too well what it was like to grow up without her mother.
I can't even fathom what it would be like for Tyler to grow up without me.
I can't even fathom what it would be like for me to not be able to grow older with Tyler.
Tonight, Tyler wanted to hold my hand everywhere we went. He would say, "hand" and want to hold it, even if I was throwing something away in the trash can, walking around the kitchen or on my way to the bathroom. I enjoyed every second of his little hand being wrapped in mine.
Tonight, we followed our usual routine. He ate macaroni and cheese for dinner. He had a few Hershey kisses for dessert and then went upstairs for his bath. After bathtime, we read books, especially one of his new favorites, a dinosaur pop up book in which he has to find the purple dinosaur on every page. When he found the dinosaur on each page, he would put his nose up to the page and say, "Hi Di-saur" or "Hi Purple."
When we were done reading the book a few times, I asked him if he was ready to go to bed. He provided me with his usual response, "No, nooooo" (as he shakes his head). He laid on my shoulder, requesting his "bankie" ie: wants me to cover him in a blanket. After a minute or two, he always sits up in my lap, facing me, and points out everything that he can see on me..."hair," "nose," "mouth," "teeth," "ears," "eyes," "glasses," "earrings." He likes to move my hair in front of my eyes and say, "uh ohhhh." I say, "Oh no, can you help me?" He says, "Yeahhh." He then moves the hair out of the way of my eyes and says, "eyes!"
Tonight, I gave him a big hug, as I always do. I said, "I love you," to which he responded, "I loshhhh youuuu, mama."
Tyler,
Goodnight, my sweet boy. I'm so thankful and blessed to have been able to hold you, hug you, and kiss you tonight. I love being your mommy. I know I don't write you letters often, but I want you to know that you are, without a doubt, the light of my life. You fill my heart with love, unconditional love.
All of my love, forever and always,
Mommy
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